Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
