Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
