Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
