He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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