we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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