How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
