I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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