I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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