oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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