Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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