My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
