You just made me feel so damn special
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
