Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
