I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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