I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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