What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
how drunk are you?
Several
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize