there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
