i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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