My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
