Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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