i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
