So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
