I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
