We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
