So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
