smell my finger.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
