Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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