I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
