it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
