I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize