He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
