38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
