There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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