You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
