Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
