maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
