I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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