someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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