Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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