Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
