i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
