you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
