I will die if light touches me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
