dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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