apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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