I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
