Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
