New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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