Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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