I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
