If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
