After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
