you guys were way drunker than both of me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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