Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
