The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
