this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
