why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize