I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
