Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
