yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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