I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
