STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
