she was so not down for the gang bang
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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