Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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