Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
