Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want nice things and good sex
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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