remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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