let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
