Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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