Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
