umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
