just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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