If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
