that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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