it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
