i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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