I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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