stop calling my apartment porn island.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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