Already got asked if we're dating
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
