Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it glows. i had to have it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is Oprah even human
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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