Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
