Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
