never play flip cup with pint glasses
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
