You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
