Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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