if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
