mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
