Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He shit in the fireplace
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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