Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
