last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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