Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
