New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
