Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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