yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
