I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
