Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
