ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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