i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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