I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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