Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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