around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize