I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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