You're my little dorito
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
